A STORY TO TELL

Life is, by chance, a series of unprecedented events. At times, we bump into several unknown people as we toggle along our way to everyday living. Most often than not, we tend to hurry up to places where we opt to fritter the rest of our day with. Hurrying like there’s no tomorrow. Little did we gave ourselves a chance to slack off a bit, learn to acknowledge the beauty that surrounds us and just be joyous with what is happening. This faction of individuals whom we met by chance, day by day, also has their own story to share. You, Me – WE had stories to tell. Stories that others may think as just a waste of time. They can call it whatever they like but one thing is for sure. They should not feed up any bit of conceitedness for these are the exact same people who, in one way or another, will help prove the worth of our being.

I had always been as poignant as I am right now. Flamboyant as others may say. This might be due to the fact that I, sort of, feel...(uhm)... left out. Living a solitary life was never an easy task. I may be endowed with so many other individuals (my cousins, my friends and the like) but none of them is close enough to my heart. Of course, I had my mum and God, who comes in as two of my top most priorities. But other than that, I don’t have someone to brag with. For over 5 years now, I had managed to isolate myself with things that would gobble up much of my time. I had experienced what it’s like to be an editor, a singer and an ec-officer. I am not saying that I had regrets being in the industry. Believe me, I do not. I had worked hard so much just to peg my way up to where I am right now. In fact, I consider this as an achievement. I am not that really unfortunate in life. I just so happen to be emotionally unstable from all these frets. This is my drawback.

I wanted to have a happy and simple life. I wanted to be with someone whom I can easily turn to when everything seems to fall apart. To share my most happy and most sad thoughts with. Finally, to find someone that I can call my own. Ever since this futility had sprung out, I had constantly developed an alternate ego. I used to be happy having so many friends. So happy, indeed, that I almost forgot that I only needed one to go on further with life. I admit that I had wandered off a bit but now I am back on track. Since then, all appears to be like a seemingly-endless roller coaster ride. I am burned out already. I am lost elsewhere and I am in need of help.

Others say that I should go around about it, focus on stabilizing my career and blah, blah. Focus on things other than this old nonsense. I did. All my life, I walloped with such verbosity. It may not be that severe to some, but to call it nonsense is a blasphemy. I am not quite sure with what actions to take just to address this concern. But nonetheless, I am definitely NOT buying the “oh-god-please-take-my-life” act. I will still continue to ponder with every bit of hope that’s left.

Everyone needs someone, you know. Someone to help us remind that we are only human. That we need one another so as not to be lonely in this life. Happiness - that's the keyword. We can always make other people happy but what about us? What about our own happiness? These are some of the questions I resent to answer for I do not know exactly what to say. I can always pretend that I am alright. I can because I am one of those few good posers. What a life. I am a total wreck. I tried manipulating things but it did not work out. The system cannot provide everything for me. I will always be like this not unless someone breaks the cycle. I do not know what the future holds for me but all of these will forever linger in my memory.

As daunting as this may seem, this had been one of the many reasons why I am who I am, right now. I may be apart from what they tagged to as normal people but I am still human. I may be different but I have feelings too. Admittance to this certain weakness is one tough act to follow. Admitting that you’re weak does not make you less of a person. I am what I am. I am transparent. I am honest with what I feel. I hope other people would experience what if feels like to be one of us. They will never understand us not unless they know how to share the pain. I know I will have my time, soon. I am still not closing the book – my story doesn't end here. As long as there is love, there is hope. It is but one hope, one chance then another.

My name is Frankie. You can also call me Frank. I am gay and I am proud to be one. This is my so called loneliness. This is my story.